Tis the Season to Be…Creepy
I admit it, I’m not a big fan of Halloween. No right-wing religious issues here — I don’t believe in the devil and I think that fundamentalist churches plugging in a “Harvest Festival” in lieu of Halloween parties is both hypocritical and idiotic.
I like wearing costumes and the notion of haunted houses and things that go bump in the night and the unexplained. But I don’t think, with the diagnoses of childhood diabetes on a mind-boggling rise and the preponderance of warped psyches out there, that kids should be collecting bags of crap candy that are potentially studded with razor blades, garnished with ground glass or laced with poisonous substances. How well do any of us know our neighbors? Just ask anyone who found out, much to their shock, that the ‘pleasant gentleman’ next door is a sex offender or psychotic. Sad to say, it happens all the time in 21st century America.
Okay, lecture is over. Now, here’s my real beef.
Every year, the Food Network — a channel I truly enjoy watching most of the time because I glean food tips and good recipes — does a week of Halloween-themed ‘cuisine.’ It is gross, to put it mildly.
I don’t want to see Rachael Ray’s Worms and Eyeballs or Sandra Lee’s Bloodshot Eye Cupcakes or graveyard cake adorned with cookies piping-bagged to say “RIP” or Vampire Kiss Martini with a pair of fanged dentures in the glass. (I guess Dracula forgot to use Polident that day.)
Ewwww.
Emeril looks bad enough as himself — being made up as a green-faced ghoul or the Hunchback of Notre Dame does not improve his looks one bit. Sandra Lee may get her jollies attiring herself as Cher and Madonna and Marilyn Monroe in scanty bustiers, but all that cleavage and Green Chocolate Slimedoo is enough to put you off your feed for the rest of the day.
Boo humbug.
–phoebe kate