Phoebe Kate

Seems that there’s a new device being marketed in the U.S. and Canada called Kid Be Gone.  I kid you not.  It’s designed to repel teens and young adults in their 20s by emitting an ear-grating head-splitting high-pitched noise that only those of a certain age can hear.  Ostensibly, its purpose is to prevent youthful undesirables from loitering in public areas.  So far, it’s been successfully implemented in urban areas with gang problems and in parking lots to shoo off skateboarders.

Personally, I see a whole new market for the product that the its creators may not have anticipated.  Loitering, you know, is not just something done outside on the street corner by strangers.  It can, and frequently is, performed indoors by our own flesh and blood.  Kid Be Gone is the perfect answer for parents who have 20-ish kids who have “failed to launch.” 

Listen up, you long-suffering mothers and fathers out there who dream of finally having an empty nest, this is a helluva lot easier (and a great deal more effective) than finding a Sarah Jessica Parker dreamgirl to bestir your lovable lout to get his act together.  No bigger than a smoke detector and a cinch to install, the Kid Be Gone can be unobtrusively placed in strategic areas – by the refrigerator, near the big screen TV, above the pool table in the family room, behind a favorite couch used for all-day naps and in the bathroom to stop those interminable showers that run up your water and electric bills. And don’t forget to pop one in the most important place of all –that messy bedroom.  Get your message across quickly and efficiently without those stressful arguments and unpleasant scenes to convince that young man of yours he needs to “find himself” and get a life.  Kid Be Gone works equally well with daughters under your roof who’ve dropped out of college, can’t keep a job and spend the day manicuring their nails and watching the soaps and “E! True Hollywood Story” while waiting for Mr. Right. 

Just imagine the delight you’ll experience when you see that pristine empty bedroom and the astounding drop in your utility bills and grocery tabs.  Makes the ideal gift for couples with in-law problems and visiting relatives who overstay their welcome.  Get your Kid Be Gone today, supplies are limited.  Satisfaction guaranteed.

–phoebe kate