Phoebe Kate

Well, it’s not exactly when I grow up per se…maybe “when I’ve reached a higher astral plane of existence” would come closer to what I mean — although actually isn’t that what growing up is, in a sense?

Anyway, I want to be a Muse.

Originally an ancient Greek notion with only three Muses working overtime to cover all the necessary areas of creativity, it evolved during the Renaissance to encompass nine of them, most of whom have something to do with epic poetry, romantic writing, music, dance, sacred things and astronomy.  Unfortunately, I’m afraid my skills don’t quite match up with those job descriptions.

But in more recent times — oh, say the last couple hundred years — a new Muse has been added to the pantheon of inspiration goddesses.  Thanks to an ancient and intriguing Italian bas relief, a German novella of the 1800s and the paintings of Dali, Masson and others, we have Gradiva, the Muse of Surrealism.

Now that position I most definitely qualify for.  As a lifelong boater on the famous River of Strange with my kinswoman Valerie MacEwan, I know this territory like the back of my hand.

To revel in my chosen area of inspiration, check out Surrealist.com. — wonderful section on art and artists.

Until next time, I’ll see you in your dreams.  (Only the weird ones, of course.)

–phoebe kate 

This no-b.s. comedian/pop culture commentator/philosopher would wince at a eulogy or tribute.  His words speak for themselves, better than anything I could say about the man, his talent and his uniquely wry and quirky way of looking at the world.

“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.”

“Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right.  As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.”

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.”

“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.”

“I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other people’s lost memories.”

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

“One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.”

“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant.  Every table had an argument going.”

“The main reason why Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

“Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?  They never mention that part to us, do they?”

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why?  Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?  Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.” 

“Tonight’s forecast: Dark. Continued dark throughout most of the evening, with some widely-scattered light towards morning.”

“The status quo sucks.”

“There are some nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.”

“Inside every cynical person is a disappointed idealist.”

Rest in peace, George.  You will be missed by so very many.

–phoebe kate

Heard on the news this morning that Bush has requested the State Department to remove North Korea from the U.S.’s Official List of Enemies.

The what???  We actually have such a thing?  Does our government have a hard time remembering who’s on our side and who isn’t?  And if there’s an “official” list, then there must be an unofficial list, too, right?  I bet that would make for some interesting reading.

It reminds me of George Orwell’s classic novel 1984.  The totalitarian country of Oceania had a Ministry of Truth (whose function, of course, was to rewrite history and create lies to control the disgruntled citizens.)  The “official” version of history changed so often that from one day to the next, it was well nigh impossible for anyone to figure out who Oceania’s friends and enemies were.

It also reminds me of something my friends and I did in elementary school.   You probably did it, too, when you were eight or nine — make lists of the kids you liked and the kids you didn’t.  Names were moved from the Friends List to the Enemies List and back again, on a daily (and often hourly) basis, depending on who shared their candy bar with you and who didn’t invite you to their party.

It’s funny to think that schoolyard politics and global politics may not, in practice, be as dissimilar as we like to imagine — just another proof that “everything we need to know we learned in kindergarten.”

–phoebe kate   

Jesus’s unprecedented worldwide tour continues.  Best known in the last decade for making appearances in pancakes, tortillas, pizzas, muffins and various fruits and vegetables, He is now broadening His venue. 

In the last year, He has been spotted on a wall in a Sydney AU railway station, at the top of a mobile phone mast in Uganda, in a dental X-ray in Jacksonville FL, in a cloud over Mt. Sinai and in a 4-gig Samsung memory chip.   

He’s now back in the news for appearing in a tree trunk in Orlando FL, in the tinfoil wrap on a cider bottle in a UK pub and just yesterday, He popped up in a pregnant woman’s ultrasound image in Ohio. 

Jesus in some woman’s womb?  Hmm, he already did that routine over 2,000 years ago.   

But who am I to say He couldn’t do it again?  I mean, my great-aunt Chrissabelle Lee saw Him in the woody whorls of her dining room wainscotting in New Orleans.  Gave her quite a bit of comfort, too, as great-uncle Ransom Montgomery ranted and carried on and their three wastrel sons drank sour mash until dawn when she’d go and roust them out (before the neighbors saw them) from under the verandah or in the rose garden or wherever it was they collapsed in a stupor the night before.  Then she’d go get her cup of morning coffee and sit in the dining room and have a peaceful breakfast with Jesus.    

After all, faith is where you find it and when times get desperate, it may crop up in the most unlikely places.

–phoebe kate 

If you can’t get to the brothel, fear not.  The brothel will come to you.  Like pet meds, diabetes testing supplies, adult diapers, pizza and UPS parcels, sex is another thing that can be delivered to your door. 

Or, I should say, it was…up until yesterday. 

On Wednesday, the notorious Brothel Bus of Miami FL did its last tour of duty.  The super-luxe limousine bus cruised the chic streets of South Beach, offering libations and lap dances from numerous nubile lovelies to well-heeled party-hearties.  The sex wasn’t cheap and probably the drinks weren’t either, but it sure was a novelty and quite a popular tourist attraction, not to mention the ultimate in convenience. 

The owner of the business, a 29-year-old woman, was charged by police with offering to commit prostitution, transportation for the purpose of prostitution and operating a business without a license.  She was released on $5,000 bail.

Public morality issues aside, I have to take my hat off (hat, just my hat and not one stitch more) to that chick for being one damn clever entrepreneur.  Can’t wait to see what she thinks up next…

–phoebe kate