Phoebe Kate

“Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.” –Unknown

Yes, how true, how very true. It is the ultimate - because it’s so *!@#*&!* hard to do.

Even the most laid-back and mellow of us (and that category does not include yours truly) have aims of some sort — major or minor, from 5-Year Plans for career or financial success down to inconsequential quotidian particulars, like what to wear today and what to eat for lunch and which DVD from Blockbuster to watch tonight. And most of us — dare I say all of us (unless we’re living saints or extremely enlightened, neither of which yours truly is) — well, we don’t enjoy it one bit when things don’t go as we want or as we expected.

Ironically, small disappointments and setbacks can sometimes drive us the craziest. I’m hardly thrilled when my writing schedule gets disrupted or a peaceful evening at home turns into a night of entertaining thanks to unexpected guests or I’m side-tracked from going to the one-day, 50% off shoe sale at Belk or a pleasure trip has to be canceled or I get stuck in traffic when I’m in a hurry.

Then we’ve got the real biggies that so often blindside us and truly turn our well-ordered lives upside down and inside out. War, natural disasters, societal upheavals, job loss, career changes, financial reversals, life-threatening illness, death in the family — they’re always just waiting in the wings to make their calamitous appearance on our stage.

The wise “Unknown” is trying to tells us that we only make ourselves more unhappy and frustrated by struggling against what can’t be changed. I don’t think the underlying problem is selfishness in wanting our own way or having the cosmic toss of the dice always be in our favor. Moreover, it’s just that we hate, more than anything else, to realize how little we’re actually in control of our circumstances. Perhaps that’s the reason we get so upset when insignificant things go awry — if we fluff it so badly with the small stuff, what chance do we have to successfully forge our way to success in the matters that truly count? Deep down inside, we’re all fundamentally control freaks, whether we admit it or not. “Going with the flow” — when it’s not going in our preferred direction — is very scary.

I live on the NC coast. I’m not a swimmer, but my kids are. My two sons are surfers and have been caught in those oft-deadly rip currents more times than I’d care to dwell upon. Of course, as a mother, this has given me premature gray hair (and given L’Oreal Preference in the very attractive dark blonde shade a steady customer.) However, the reason that my boys have survived the dangerous tides that take out an unfortunate number of people every year is that they’ve learned one vital thing. To never try to go against the rip current, but paddle parallel to shore until you get out of it. It’s not as big as it seems. If you keep your cool and stay calm and focused, you come to the end of it and can swim safely back to home.

And so it is with life.

Now, if I can only remember that lesson tomorrow… Hmm, maybe I should take up swimming?

–phoebe kate