“What’s the Problem with Kids Today” Solved
A few weeks ago, I blogged about a 2007 Arkansas law worded in such a way it permitted children of any age (down to newborn) to wed with parental consent. I really didn’t think anything could top that legislative faux pas.
Oh, silly me! Underestimating our lawmakers’ ability to screw things up!
Late breaking news, people. All you parents in Nebraska, heads up — this is big. Your fair state just passed a law allowing you to abandon any child up to the age of (are you ready for this?) nineteen. That’s nineteen years old, not nineteen months.
Laws regarding the abandonment of newborns are common — California, for instance, permits parents to legally abandon an infant to a hospital or “safe haven” up to 72 hours after birth. But Nebraska is boldly pioneering uncharted territory in the child welfare world – without really intending to, of course.
Up until now, about all you could do with obnoxious and/or hormonal adolescent is threaten to send them to juvie boot camp, a boarding school run by some strict religious sect, military school or Grampa’s farm (and we all know that old geezer won’t take no sass and no nonsense.) Ahhh, but now, the gloves are off and it’s no hold barred for Nebraskan parents whose state motto is “Possibilities…endless.”
Did your kid go to the mall to get jeans but instead came home with a stud in the tongue, a ring in the nose, an eyebrow piercing and a new BFF who’s Goth? Is your daughter dating a guy twice her age with serpent tats and a Harley you can hear in the next county? Is your son wearing tees emblazoned with swastikas and hiding his copy of Mein Kampf under the mattress instead of issues of Penthouse? Are you at your wits’ end that your (formerly) adorable little Amber is screaming, ”I hate you I hate you I hate you I wish you were dead!” as she slams her bedroom door in your face? Is it trying that once-trustworthy Trevor is tanking up on your Tanqueray and taking his girlfriends up to the king-size waterbed in your bedroom when you’re out? Did somebody under the age of 19 just get the 3rd speeding ticket and drive your insurance cost through the roof (as well as eating you out of house and home when he’s not getting in trouble with the cops)? Does your house reek of weed even though the kids tell you it’s your latest Glade Plug-In air freshener?
No more need to raise your voices or make idle threats…if you live in Nebraska, that is. If you don’t and you have kids from 9-19, you might want to consider moving there. It might have seemed like a bright idea twelve years ago to have three kids spaced out a year apart. Now, well, you just might be seeing that from a little differently POV. No more need to go through a rough patch with your teens or wait for one of those awful “phases” to end.
The half-witted legislators who bungled this half-baked bill are leaving it up to the courts to sort out, of course. And we all know how fast the hand of jurisprudence moves, don’t we? In the meantime, “foundling” and “orphan” may take on a whole new meaning in the Midwest.
–phoebe kate