For Your Monthly Planner
Ahhh, National Days — a reason to celebrate or shake up our quotidian routine or do something we might not do otherwise. Such as: 9/2 is (are you ready for this one?) National Beheading Day. I kid you not. Tyrannical bosses, bad boyfriends/girlfriends, spouses who leave a lot to be desired, children who act like the spawn of Satan and perfidious relatives, friends and others better watch out and shape up quick. Real quick.
9/5: Be Late For Something. We already do that, but we can do it guilt-free one day a year. And then, ironically enough, on 9/6 we have Fight Procrastination Day, to stop all that tardiness and foot-dragging of ours.
9/8: National Date Nut Bread Day and National Pardon Day. Take your pick. Or better yet, do both. Or even better still, invite the person you want to forgive to join you for some date nut bread.
9/9: Teddy Bears. Go immediately and buy yourself one to indulge that poor neglected Inner Child of yours.
9/12: Pet Memorial. Let us pause and remember the best, truest and finest friends we’ve ever had in our lives, be they canine, feline, equine or whatever. I’ll be remembering 13 cats, 4 goldfish, 2 dogs, 2 parakeets, a lizard, a snake and a giant frog.
9/13: Defy Superstition. Walk under ladders, make friends with black cats, break mirrors fearlessly, step on cracks and for heaven’s sake don’t read that horoscope this morning. You’re in charge of your life, not the stars or the self-proclaimed gurus.
9/14: Cream-filled Doughnuts. Proving one more time that America runs on Dunkin’ and Krispy Kreme.
9/16: Stay Away from Seattle Day. What did that city do to deserve this?
9/20: National Punch Day. Are we talking fruit and Hawaiian? Or is this the day we haul off and slug those impossible people in our lives that we did not behead at the beginning of the month?
9/22: Hobbit. Oh, a nice day to celebrate. Keep in mind that this charming imaginary species likes to eat two breakfasts, sing, dance, imbibe spirits and tell stories. Enjoy!
9/28: Ask a Stupid Question. I’d exercise some restraint here and not be too big a fool or carry this too far. 9/29 is National Poisoned Blackberries Day when those whom we drove crazy with our stupidity can rid their lives of the exasperating idiots they should have beheaded at the beginning of the month.
Have a good September.
–phoebe kate