Phoebe Kate

That’s how the old saying goes — and one canine in Oregon is proving it, big time.  Maximilian, a fox terrier, is running for mayor of Jacksonville, a small town in the south central part of the state.  When his owner learned that there was only one candidate in the race, she thought the voters deserved some other options.  If elected, Maximilian promises that there will be “kibble for all.”  Now how’s that for spreading around the wealth?

Oregon has no statute stipulating that candidates for public office have to be human.  Hmm, I wonder if there’s any law requiring presidential and Senate nominees to be homo sapiens…  I mean, wouldn’t it be a welcome change to have a politician who doesn’t put his foot in his mouth every time he (or she) opens it?  And after all the unseemly and embarrassing public scandals involving people in high places, an elected official who was neutered might not be a bad idea, either. 

–phoebe kate  

Poetry Friends has published one of my poems, “Enjoy the Cold.”

Thank you to editor Susan Culver.

–phoebe kate

Tony Hillerman, award-winning New York Times bestselling novelist, died on Sunday. 

I only learned of his death today.

As far as I know, it was not reported on any of the cable TV news stations.  I read numerous online news sources every morning and it didn’t show up there either. 

The only way I found out about the death of a fellow author (albeit much richer and more famous than I will ever be) was in a piece of spam in my inbox trying to interest me in $$$$ writers’ conferences in glam places.

Meanwhile, the news media diligently reported on Lindsay’s feud with Ugly Betty and Miley getting a bad rap in the tabloids and Posh Spice modeling Armani underwear and everything having to do with Britney. 

Is it my imagination, or do we in this country have no regard for writers?  No, let’s broaden that accusation.  We have no regard for real artists.  We’re too damn busy idolizing the latest flash-in-the-pan Hollywoodite to care about someone who contributed to our contemporary literature and to our collective consciousness of other cultures in our country.

Hillerman’s books were set in the Four Corners region of the West.  It’s a strange place, an eerie place.  The vibes are not very good.  I’ve spent time there and it’s a little like dropping into an alternate reality.  The scenery verges on surrealistic and you sit in a little diner in a nowheresville town, drinking your coffee or your Coke, and you can sense there’s all sort of stuff going down and tensions that you know nothing about.  The folks are civil enough, but they’ve got their own world.  You are not a part of it and they’re politely waiting for you to move on.  It’s a microcosm steeped in its own history and they don’t have any need of or space for you there.

There are many places like that in this country.  Four Corners is one of them.  I remember it well and Hillerman described it flawlessly.

I hear that in Europe, artists are still highly regarded.  I hope so.  A pity they aren’t here.  Shame shame shame on us. 

Rest in peace, Tony. 

–phoebe kate    

Here’s a sampling of today’s non-news news stories that I won’t be wasting my time and eyesight on. 

1. New Vibrating Mascara on the Market.  Oh yay.  Ideal for klutzes and for early morning in-the-car makeup sessions.  Now we won’t poke ourselves in the eye just once but dozens of time per second.  I foresee a sharp increase in earnings by opthamologists over the next quarter.
2. Alabama to Collect “Fat Tax” from Overweight State Employees.  Okay, I admit I read the first paragraph of this one.  I stopped reading when an official was quoted as saying this tax wasn’t punitive or discriminatory — they were just trying to save lives. Ha!  Who do they think they’re kidding?  This Big Brotherly action is a not-so-sneaky way to fill the state coffers at the expense of the working poor.  Shame shame shame!  
3. Green Toilet Paper Put to the Test.  Oh, yuck.  Like I really need to know this?  Pass the barf bag, please.  Oh, wait a minute.  Is it a Green barf bag?  Does it work as well as non-Green ones?
4. Was Angelina Jolie Wed in a Mortuary?  And this is the mother of six children? Lord have mercy.  I’m just thankful I’m not a Third World orphan adopted out to the Matriarch of Morbidity.
5. Warning Signs You’re Going to Get Sacked.  I’ve been fired from jobs and so have you and probably every working American out there also.  It’s not a pretty process. I suggest we should adopt the Japanese way of dealing with it.  In order to avoid an unpleasant and embarrassing confrontation, the boss has your desk moved out of your office while you’re out to lunch and put beside — ta da! –the Coke machine in the hall.  You clean out your drawers and leave quietly.  Ahh, the inscrutable ways of the East…

–phoebe kate

That’s how much shopping time is left until Christmas.  And it goes by faster than Marco Andretti in the Indy 500.

Okay, I hear those moans and groans (and the occasional shriek) out there.  Shape up, people, and get some Christmas spirit in you, for Santa’s sake.  Yes, you read me right.  I just gave you official permission to have a 2-martini lunch.  With only 58 days, 15 hours and 13 minutes left, you need it.

Anyway, I’m here to help you with the bane of your Christmas gift list — namely, that particular person who is hard to shop for.  Maybe it’s your mother-in-law or sister or best friend, a QVC and HSN addict who has at least one of everything ever manufactured and sold in stores, on TV and online. 

Or Dad, for whom you’ve been getting ties for decades.  I mean, by now the poor man has probably turned his basement workshop into a walk-in closet to house all of them.  And Gramps.  After you gave him that talking bass last Christmas, what’s there left to get the old guy? 

Well, I have the perfect solution.  Make this Christmas season truly memorable and get them a real, live glow-in-the-dark cat.  Through the miracle of science and genetic engineering, phosphorescent cats have indeed become a reality, according to the news this morning. 

In the daylight, they look like any other cat.  In the dark, they emit a delightful greenish glow.  They’re fun to own and practical, too.  Think about it.  No more need to buy those nightlights that always burn out after a week!  No more worry about middle-of-the-night power outages leaving you in the dark!  No frenzy to stock up on flashlight batteries when a hurricane or blizzard is headed your way!  

In fact, get one for every room of the house.  Create unique mood lighting without the danger and mess of candles.  Glowing cats are the home decor accessory of the future.  Be the first in your neighborhood to have them — you’ll be the envy of all your friends and you’ll thank Phoebe Kate for this happy holiday shopping tip.

58 days, 14 hours, 15 minutes and counting.  Ahh, I hear the joyful sound of those martinis being shaken or stirred out there already…

–phoebe kate