Phoebe Kate

2009 was an exciting year for the globetrotting Son of God and his Blessed Mother, who made surprise appearances all over the world in the most unlikely places — pancakes, pots and pans and grills, jars of jam, Kit Kat bars, rocks, irons and ironing board covers, coffee stains, the woody whorls in paneling and doors, in the markings on farm animals and in the skies over various Cairo churches at Christmas.

So what does our Holy Duo have planned for 2010?  Well, I’m pleased to report that the Virgin Mary has made two appearances so far this month.  A woman in Oklahoma found her likeness in a Lay’s potato chip.  And in Norfolk, Virginia, the Madonna manifested herself in a water stain in a baptismal font in a local church.  Many of the faithful are flocking to view the phenomenon for themselves before the janitor gets busy cleaning with the Lime-Away.

Meanwhile, Jesus has kicked off the New Year by playing a new venue.  A diabetic Florida woman, who’d gone to her doctor’s office to give routine blood samples, received a sacred surprise when she got home and took off the bandage. There was the Savior’s face in the rather large, livid bruise left by the blood-drawing.  The woman’s family and friends now call her “Our Lady of the Hematoma” and I’m sure this devout believer is thanking God for the ineptitude of a certain needle-wielding nurse.

Scripture admonishes the faithful to keep looking toward the sky for Christ’s triumphal return.  In the meantime, however, I’d suggest you keep a close eye on your snack foods, kitchenware, carpet stains, shower curtains, wood floors and the spots on your dog or cat — and, oh yes, don’t forget that shin you banged on the coffee table last night, which caused you say all those bad words. 

You better watch out: you just might wake up and find the King of Kings on your leg or that !#&**! table.       

~ phoebe kate