Phoebe Kate

Religion, it seems to me, can be compared with a dog. 

No, no, it’s not as it sounds.  I’m not trying to be a disrespectful, blasphemous, derogatory smartass.  I’m a nice Southern girl who was raised to be a good Christian — and as such, I’ve seen a lot of religion.  A whole lot.  So just bear with me and see where I’m going with this. 

If religion is good, it possesses the qualities of a really good dog.  It’s gentle and kindly and has learned to respect those around it.  It’s a quiet, sympathetic companion day in and day out, year after year, in happy times and hard times.  It doesn’t bite you or anyone else.  It makes life more satisfying and meaningful.  It’s a comfort to have around during long, sleepless nights.  It’s useful in practical sorts of ways.  It warns you about potential perils in the world around you.  It doesn’t cause trouble or make nasty messes or annoy others.  It has good manners and knows how to behave appropriately wherever you take it.  

Bad religion, on the other hand, is a nuisance with a problematic disposition. It is stubborn, obnoxious, aggressive, difficult to handle, often embarrassing in public and doesn’t take well to behavior modification.  It jumps on everybody, barks constantly, demands attention and is likely to growl and bare its fangs when thwarted, challenged or corrected.      

The following individuals aren’t bad people, but they are — hmmm — a little out of control.  They just…well…umm…need a shorter leash and some obedience training to remind them of the one really big rule, “Do unto others…”   

• For Whom the Bell Tolls.  Since March 2008, a cathedral in Phoenix has pealed the bells in its belltower every 30 minutes, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Needless to say, the neighborhood wishes the bell would stop tolling for them.  After almost two years of this righteous ringing, the city officials are finally taking some action to remedy the problem.  (Obviously, the city officials do not reside anywhere near the cathedral.)
• Making a Joyful Noise Unto the Lord.  It would be fine if that was all a certain woman in England had done.  Unfortunately, she conducted her loud praising of the Lord while traversing her apartment building in the wee small hours of the morning.  After complaints by the neighbors, she ended up in court in October, where joyful noises are not music to the magistrate’s ears. 
• Where Two or Three Are Gathered in My Name.  There were quite a few more than two or three at this bizarre prayer meeting – and they hadn’t gathered in the name of the Lord, but in the interests of trying to get somewhere.  In Atlanta last November, a municipal bus driver refused to open the doors and let passengers off until they joined hands and joined him in prayer.  (Holy Hostages!  What will the overly zealous soldiers in the army of the Lord think up next???) 

~ phoebe kate