Phoebe Kate

That’s what F. Scott Fitzgerald observed — and nowhere is that statement truer than in the Big Apple. 

Although I am a Southerner, I’ve been fated to live a lot of my life well North of the Mason-Dixon Line.  Specifically, New York City.  A sizable chunk of my childhood was spent there and a good bit of time as a working adult.

I love NYC — or at least I love the image of the city I retain in my head from years ago.  The Plaza Hotel was still a hotel, not condos.  There was a thriving middle class who hadn’t fled to the suburbs with their kids.  Museums were free because culture was something that belonged to everybody, not just those who fork out a $10 admission fee.  Broadway theatre tickets and carriage rides around Central Park were reasonably priced — and if you couldn’t afford those, there was always the Staten Island Ferry, the floating make-out mecca for indigent daters.

It’s all changed now — and not for the better, as far as I can tell from my last visit several years ago.  Hamburgers cost $20, a plate of pasta $30, a martini $15-plus, a bus or subway ride $2.25 one-way and the sky’s the limit when you step into a taxi.  Sheeesh, even the street peddlers of stolen merchandise and fake Rolexes are charging big bucks for their junk.   

Real estate — for rent or purchase – was never cheap in the city even when I lived there, but there were still some bargains to be found.  After reading a recent article in a NYC paper, however, I’m thankful I’m residing elsewhere. 

• A couple recently bought a 175-square-foot apartment in Manhattan for $150,000 and pay a $800 monthly maintenance fee.  (Their entire apartment is approximately the size of an average room.  How long do you give this marriage?  I say six months tops.)
• A 39-year-old woman pays $700 a month for a 90-square-foot apartment.  It isn’t big enough for furniture so it features a loft bed and she admits she has to sit sideways on her toilet to fit into her bathroom.
• And if you think that’s outrageous, how about this?  A man is currently renting a 55-square-foot apartment near midtown Manhattan for $800 a month.  He can stand in the middle of the room and touch the walls.  And he can’t turn around in his shower.

Now, you may be wondering, what do these people think of their grossly overpriced mouse-hole homes? 

“We love it,” say Couple #1.  

“I love it,” says Renter #2.

And, “It’s fantastic!” says the guy who will get stuck in his shower if he gains 10 pounds and have to be pried out by the jaws of life.

Now I know that the rich aren’t the only ones different from you and me. So are New Yorkers — and they’re out of their minds, too.    

~ phoebe kate